Wow, it's been that long?

Okay, I tried to get this blog going so long ago now... wow, almost three years. I think that maybe my ambition got ahead of me. But, although much has changed in my life, I think I'm still seeking and probably always will, so I'm giving it another shot with perhaps less lofty ambitions.

I hope to figure out how to add some links and photos too, but it might take a while!

My most recent thought... after all of this spiritual discernment I thought I was doing over the last decade, what I finally came to terms with last night is that I'm not much on believing in a spiritual life after death. I think that means that I can't be a Christian or part of any sort of religious organization for that matter. Although I want more than anything to believe that there is a heaven and hell, deep inside me in my heart of hearts I believe that when we die there is nothing. Just nothingness. Does this make me an atheist? Hmmm... I hope not because I can't stand the pompous attitude of so many know-it-all atheist scientists who give nothing to chance and can't simply relish inexplicable beauty. Hurumph. It just makes me so sad. I love the thought of a greater power, the unexplainable nature of love and nurture, the reason for the beauty that's found in the tragic. But if I believe in nothingness, can I believe in a God that orchestrates all of this? It will take me a while to process this, and perhaps I'll come back to it. But I'm working on simplifying these thoughts and settling for quiet contemplation for a while. I better lighten up the next entry :)