Fully human, fully God

I can't believe it's August 16 and the summer is nearly over! My blog entries are far between, yet still I will do my best to keep up.

Anyway, I like to try to spend a short period of my quiet Sunday mornings pondering faith. Even if I don't participate in an organized religious activity, I usually like to try to at least think a little about the larger picture and how people around the world are doing the same.
Something that I came upon this morning was the description of Christ as "fully human, fully God". For some reason, though I've heard this all before, it struck me today to actually ponder this idea... and, I was blown away by the implications of this statement. In essence, it is a profoundly simple idea that Christ wished for all humankind. He wanted each person to be, as he had faith that he/she could be, fully human, and fully God. Whether one believes that Jesus was the Son of God or not, as a human, he seemed to have only the best intentions for people; to achieve greatness in themselves (in service to God, that is), and do it to the best of their ability while inspiring others to do the same. That's a pretty darn good intention, and however simple, it seems to have been one of the most elusive and difficult challenges to plague mankind for eternity. In fact, many religions and institutions of faith have become so OCD about how to achieve this goal that I think they've completely lost sight of the real reason for Christ's imploring wish. Perhaps "getting to heaven" isn't exactly the judgment at the gates I always imagined. Faiths other than Christianity have a different view of so-called "heaven", and I find that fascinating too. For example, the Buddhists achieve levels of enlightenment through meditation and prayer, a less outward and gregarious display of faith from Christianity, nevertheless, their goal is the same, essentially to become the ultimate; "fully human, fully God", or in their case, "fully enlightened".

Well, that's my faith pondering today. Just praying to make it through another week, and prayers for my cousin who is early in her pregnancy. She has been through so much, and we want so badly for this little miracle kid to make it!! Keep hanging in there miracle baby! I know you will be beautiful.

Recent ponderings...

Spring is officially here, and the mood in the city is much improved. Everything always looks a little better with green leaves and tulips. In fact, we're so far into spring now that the tulips have reached their glory and retreated, while the landscapers replace their colors with something more "sensible" (i.e. begonias) for the summer duration. Those tulips however are still my favorite. They shout and scream and kick and struggle to let everyone know that the winter has finally come to an end. I love them because they are one of the pioneers of spring, not afraid to push through the dirty, dank wintered soil, making a more than stellar appearance when all else is still a little brown and drab.

Though I haven't seen my cardinal friend for some time, I hear him every morning, calling out to find that special gal. I don't think she's come yet, as I haven't seen any signs of her, nor have I heard a quieting in his voice. Hang in there buddy, I'm sure some nice ladybird will happen by your tree soon! In other bird sightings outside my little window I've seen a red-headed woodpecker (so stately!), small warblers (as yet unidentified), a hawk of some sort, and two beautiful Scarlet Tanagers.

How is that possible? Right here smack dab in the middle of the city? Sometimes I think it's God's way of reminding me of things that I love. Most of the time I get all caught up in my life and forget about the little joys that are so special. It's amazing what you can find when you take a few seconds to let joy in. Sometimes I think about the fact that I'm sitting here looking out of my window, in the middle of the city, and into the trees with a pair of binoculars. I guess it is more than a little strange and if anyone saw me doing it, I'd probably be questioned by the authorities. Luckily my windows are hidden by several trees and I can sit and do all of the bird spying I want.

Does anyone else in my little courtyard of apartments know these birds are here and how incredibly beautiful they are? I've run into many folks recently who seem to have strong opinions about things, like how they "hate" certain kinds of animals, particularly cats and birds. I am appalled by this, as I just adore both of these creatures and whenever I see them they make me stop, take a breath, and just love life. Then I got to thinking... I suppose that there are things for those people to love too that maybe, well, aren't my favorite, like dogs for example. I like dogs for sure, but when I see them, they don't make me stop and love life like other creatures do. But, nevertheless, I'm glad that they're here roaming the earth for people, because everyone should have their one little thing in life that makes them pause and ponder.

I think that God is pretty tricky. For those who don't find it satisfying to look up into the trees for a comforting sight, at least they have a diversity of little pooches running around to keep them amused. For those who like neither, well, I'm not sure what gives them that little special gleam, that little hint of God, as some might describe it. Sadly, I think that the lack of this might be one of the major ills of modern society. Can the internet and text messaging provide the soulful joy that flowers, birds, cats and dogs have provided people for so long? I worry about the kids today. Many of them are so busy looking at their phones and computers, that they miss the simple beauty of things flying around in the trees. The beautiful red tanagers with their gorgeous black wings and strong bills. They miss the tulips and begonias and that strong and beautiful Rhodesian Ridgeback walking down the street. I hope that through all of the distraction that they are somehow able to find the beauty that God has laid before them. Funny, I'm sure that my grandparents said the same thing about television. And I think some kids of the last couple generations turned out okay... So, I guess I have hope for the future?

The world and all its glory

The spring here in Chicago seems poised to begin, but somehow is stuck on pause. On the precipice of bursting into all colors familiar to the warmer months, I've noticed that the grass is getting a little greener each day, yet the flowers and birds seemed to have called off the march forward. I don't blame them. I'm sitting here comfortable in my little apartment, surrounded by electric heat and cozy slippers not wanting anything to do with the outdoors. Now and again I do hear the faint sound of the cardinal that took to calling two weeks ago when he thought it was warm enough to find his new ladybird friend. I felt sorry for him... waiting all year to become intimate with a little feathered partner, and then to have it put off again by cold weather and snow. What a disappointment. Well, I suppose that if he can wait a year, then I can wait a few more days for spring.
This time of year can be lonely for me. Not sure why, but it seems every year I think of all the renewal and great things to come, then realize that I'm just barely enjoying it. Then I get mad at myself because I should be enjoying it more. Is there a plan to all of this? If you follow a plan, does it ever have a eureka point, or is the point simply to enjoy the ride of the plan? I think that if I could just sit back and enjoy the ride more, I wouldn't worry so much about the plan. And probably find more contentment. Though I'm not that well versed in theological teachings, it seems that Christianity (and many other world religions) falters a bit when it comes to this idea. All of the emphasis is put on working hard, sacrificing pleasure and happiness, in this life to find glory in heaven. Like the end is the most important part. But is it really? I guess that and many other questions is why I'm a seeker and not a follower. I'm okay with that.
TTFN

Wow, it's been that long?

Okay, I tried to get this blog going so long ago now... wow, almost three years. I think that maybe my ambition got ahead of me. But, although much has changed in my life, I think I'm still seeking and probably always will, so I'm giving it another shot with perhaps less lofty ambitions.

I hope to figure out how to add some links and photos too, but it might take a while!

My most recent thought... after all of this spiritual discernment I thought I was doing over the last decade, what I finally came to terms with last night is that I'm not much on believing in a spiritual life after death. I think that means that I can't be a Christian or part of any sort of religious organization for that matter. Although I want more than anything to believe that there is a heaven and hell, deep inside me in my heart of hearts I believe that when we die there is nothing. Just nothingness. Does this make me an atheist? Hmmm... I hope not because I can't stand the pompous attitude of so many know-it-all atheist scientists who give nothing to chance and can't simply relish inexplicable beauty. Hurumph. It just makes me so sad. I love the thought of a greater power, the unexplainable nature of love and nurture, the reason for the beauty that's found in the tragic. But if I believe in nothingness, can I believe in a God that orchestrates all of this? It will take me a while to process this, and perhaps I'll come back to it. But I'm working on simplifying these thoughts and settling for quiet contemplation for a while. I better lighten up the next entry :)

catching the wave

After listening to a radio program this evening with Christopher Lydon (show host of The Connection, now Open Source) I became feverish with a sudden thought --the potential usefulness of the internet! If you didn't catch it, the topic of today's show was focused on the idea of "doing religion" on the web. More or less it was a focus on how the internet has changed the idea of religious or spiritual inquiry, and how it may serve to help or hinder people in developing faith or spiritual curiosity. As I am currently entranced in my own spritual and religious queries I found this idea to be fascinating and enlightening. More importantly though, it stirred inside me the excitement of how wonderful it would be to connect with others who are also on a journey, spiritual or otherwise.

In recent years it seems that I have sadly become disconnected with friends and family, and have embarked on my own adventures alone, often regretting those faded connections. The loss of sharing ideas and investigations with others has affected me deeply. Hence the impetus. I decided to begin this blog in hope that others will join in and engage in a diaglogue about their own spiritual journeys of life, sharing what in their daily lives moves them to thought, prayer, meditation --stirred voices inside, given them a light. I wondered if there were any other folks out there living curiously and ponderously, loving and questioning life for all it's beauty and sadness. Simply, Seeking. Friends, I ask you to join in and write if you feel moved. Perhaps we can still create a community of support if not in real space, but in cyberspace? Please feel free to share anything that seems relevant (or not). A song lyric that made you happy. A funny noise your dog made. A revelation, a good cry, a story, a movie, a blog, a website!!

I'll start us off, by ending this first entry with a quote from a book that I'm reading. I read this page last night, and for some reason it was so germane that I just had to read it several times over and over. Slow, fast, backwards and frontwards; I just couldn't get enough. Beautiful, lyrical, truthful, sad.

excerpt from 'The Awakening' by Kate Chopin

Edna Pontellier could not have told why, wishing to go to the beach with Robert, she should in the first place have declined, and in the second place have followed in obedience to one of the two contradictory impulses which impelled her.

A certain light was beginning to dawn dimly within her,--the light which, showing the way, forbids it.

At that early period it served but to bewilder her. It moved her to dreams, to thoughtfulness, to the shadowy anguish which had overcome her the midnight when she had abandoned herself to tears.

In short, Mrs. Pontellier was beginning to realize her position in the universe as a human being, and to recognize her relations as an individual to the world within and about her. This may seem like a ponderous weight of wisdom to descend upon the soul of a young woman of twenty-eight--perhaps more wisdom than the Holy Ghost is usually pleased to vouchsafe to any woman.

But the beginning of things, of a world especially, is necessarily vague, tangled, chaotic, and exceedingly disturbing. How few of us ever emerge from such beginning! How many souls perish in its tumult!

The voice of the sea is seductive; never ceasing, whispering, clamoring, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander for a spell in abysses of solitude; to lose itself in mazes of inward contemplation.

The voice of the sea speaks to the soul. The touch of the sea is sensuous, enfolding the body in its soft, close embrace.

Thank you Kate Chopin!!